Today has been a particularly slow day for television, with the bulk consisting of horse-racing, 90's sitcoms and "Classic gold movies", but halfway between and advert for yet another sale at DFS and the second half of "Keeping up Appearances", a trailer for the upcoming film, "Wanted" caught my eye. Usually, I have no interest in big-budget action romps with lines like "Watch my back!" and "Cover me!", but this one has Angelina Jolie in it, and let's be honest, nobody, man or woman, can say that they aren't even a little bit sexually attracted. The first trailer I saw, in which there was a lot of shooting and slow-mo car jumps, was interesting to say the least, McAvoy and Jolie cavorting around in their fast cars trying to shoot a fat guy with a cigar, sitting comfortably in a black stretch limousine, listening to "Time to say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli (most cliche). He shoots the window, but, Oh no! It's bullet-proof. Surprisingly, their target seems decidedly unperturbed by this. So, yes, it's all going rather to pot, until Mr McAvoy sees the cigar smoke coming out of the sunroof. He then, as you do, jumps off the front of Jolie's car, performs a mid-air barrel-roll, shoots our favourite mafia wannabe in the face (whilst shouting "I'm sorry" - a reference to a scene earlier in the film, although frankly I expected something a little more witty and super-assassin-y) before landing perfectly and driving off.
Trailer number two sees McAvoy looking very heroin-chic, buying something that must be quite embarrassing, because he looks a little shifty. He turns to look at something, turns back, and, shock horror, 'nother assassin thriller cliche, Jolie is stood right next to him. She looks a little like supernanny, something that my impressionable mind finds quite exciting, and she displays an uncanny knowledge of McAvoy's past. She tells him that the man who killed his father is right behind him and then BAM, thus ensues big shooty action scene in supermarket, with much explosion and bullet-time. The action moves outside where McAvoy runs into a car, does much Americottish apologising (it does depress me when people cast badly) and is almost run over by the mean, nasty assassin. Enter Jolie, in the very sexy red car, who proceeds to do a most implausible trick whereby, through some door-opening and 360 turns, McAvoy ends up sat comfortably next to her. Blah blah blah, big car chase, McAvoy looks up Ange's skirt, which is apparently a colossal mistake because she gets a little miffed. More Americottish exclamations of terror, and thus the trailer ends.
Trailer the third, and the last which I've seen, so don't worry...I'll be done soon. It's McAvoy in training. He has to "curve" a bullet, so that it avoids an obstacle and hits a target behind it. Jolie is the obstacle, and stands lovely and still whilst he shoots (She's a braver man than I...or woman...or whatever) bullet curves around and hits the bull. Hurrah for McAvoy! More action sequences, none of which managed to stick in my memory long enough for me to write here, thus ends trailer number three.
This little preview/pre-emptive review (they aren't the same, so sshh) might look negative, but behind all of the cheesy glamour, dreadful script (or what I've heard of it), worse casting (what is Jimmy Mac doing there?), and completely implausible laws-of-physics-bending, there lurks what looks like a top-notch flick. I'll certainly be going to see it when it comes out. It's a win-win: if it's good, I've gone to the pictures and enjoyed watching it with my friends. If it's not, I've gone to the pictures and enjoyed making fun of it with my friends.
Here ends blog number one of APCQMSB, I certainly hope you enjoyed it, because I did, even though I didn't even check for typos (I'm just that clever). See you next week...or whenever I next decide to post (It'll probably be about upcoming game, Mirror's Edge).
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