The Development of Lara Croft

I remember the days when Tomb Raider was a simple game...terrible backgrounds, worse controls, but everyone still loved it. Why? Well, when I was first playing it was because it was quite scary and I felt brave (Seriously, that butler's shakey tray...*shudder*), but also because our heroine was so charismatic and downright sexy, for a 1996 computer game character. Yes, she had a pyramidal chest, and when you tried to run into a wall she'd just say "no", but we all loved her. She had character, class, and a voice that could reduce even the manliest man to jelly. It proved, therefore, devastating when each sequential game (at least after TRII) turned out to be distinctly lacking in anything special. This steady decline in quality culminated in AOD, which, despite having heavily improved graphics and a new character (which, as Marge Simpson might say, indicates a dying brand), had a confusing storyline and, let's face it, just wasn't very good.
Just as we were beginning to give up hope on the Tomb Raider series, in leaps new developers Crystal Dynamics, with the drastically improved, both from a graphical and a gameplay point of view, Tomb Raider: Legend. Yes, yes she is. In this new "reboot" Lara is no longer a lone wolf: she has an earpiece and is occasionally provided with useful hints on how to complete her mission, some might see this as an opportunity to show off her new, even sexier voice (mainly female gamers, but they're just jealous), but I'm certainly not complaining...are you? Oh! She also has a ponytail instead of her braid, a feature I initially missed, but got over quite quickly once I noticed the amazing attention to detail (she's actually wet when she gets out of the water...wow). She faces more trouble from human opponents, because she's now very into animal rights, apparently...very few animals were harmed in the making of Tomb Raider: Legend, and you'll be hard-pressed to find a traditional tiger to shoot.
After the storming success that was Legend, CD decided to bring back the busty heroine in a more traditional sense, remaking the original Tomb Raider for the Play Station 2, X Box 360, Wii, PSP, Windows and Mac, calling it Tomb Raider: Anniversary. All I can say is that it's very good. I finished it very quickly, but that is definitely not to say that there isn't much gameplay...I was just being a geek. Croft Manor has been redesigned, and has it's own mission-style gameplay. Much fun, indeed, although it doesn't have the big fridge...then again, without the butler, there seems little point. Again, amazing graphics, wet-out-of-water effects, a distinctly less crap lever-pulling animation, great puzzles. It's everything that was the original Tomb Raider and more, definitely not a feeble attempt to revive a dying series, this is a fantastic game in it's own right, and the fact that it brings back so many marvellous memories only acts to improve it. A feature that was present in both Legend and Anniversary is bullet-time...I can hear cries of anguish from all hardcore fans, but honestly...it isn't as bad as it sounds. This isn't the rubbish "Lolz I'm really adrenaline driven, let's go slo-mo for 30 seconds", it's more of a "I'm really concentrating, which means that my shot will be more accurate" and obviously the only way to portray this in a video game is to go slow mo, to allow the shot to actually be more accurate (It's also more powerful, but who's complaining?).
Upcoming game Tomb Raider: Underworld is supposed to be carrying on where Legend left off. It uses an entirely new graphics engine, and full motion capture, allowing Lara's character model to move smoothly and look "photo real". As with all previous Tomb Raider games, Lara travels to a veritable plethora of different destinations, including Rome, Easter Island, Mesopotamia, and the Golden Triangle (I'm desperate to write "citation needed", but will resist. Seriously though...this isn't definite), and will face off against mythical creatures such as the kraken, featured in the first level of the game, set underwater. Finally, Lara is said to be able to do "everything you would expect her to be able to do". This is something I've been anticipating for a long time. Apparently, if she's allowed to throw a grenade, why wouldn't she be able to pick up and throw a random pole she finds on the ground? I certainly hope it lives up to this. Lara's bike features heavily in the game, according to early reports, as far as puzzle-solving is concerned, and her use of weapons will become more realistic, with Lara being able to fire at two seperate targets with her dual pistols, or hold an item in one hand and fire with the other, something I'm sure can only prove to be a good thing. The game will also feature a melee combat system, hopefully different to the Resi 4-esque button pressing present in Anniversary, something I'm unlikely ever to be a fan of. Interestingly, the weather and environment will also impact heavily on gameplay, for example a ledge will be harder to traverse if it is raining. I admit to being a little skeptical about this, however, as it will only be a successful feature if the weather is random: if the weather is set on a level by level basis, then it's more like a faux-feature: one which seems intuitive and cool, like different environmental challenges, but actually turns out to be a level-specific challenge, just like anything else. Who knows...you might feel differently.
Pictures show Lara in TR:A, and the evolution of Lara Croft. I certainly hope you found this typically long addition informative and entertaining, otherwise I'm failing in my goal, really.

Ad games, Theme Hospital and DMC4

This post hasn't been particularly well-planned, which is why it has so many subjects...I'll try to keep each section as short as possible but it may well run on for quite a while.
#1 - Ad games. I am, of course, talking about those little games that turn up at the side of your browser advertising for something whilst providing you with something moderately interesting to do. I for one am a great fan, and am probably earning somebody a fortune if these ads work on a pay-per-click basis - I find them really quite amusing, although that may well just be my mad desire to win at everything, so if someone turns up at the side of my screen saying "I bet you can't do as many pull-ups as me", I say "Well, we'll just have to see about that". Admittedly, they aren't THAT fun, and they're over in a matter of seconds, but I find the fact that I beat the computer at something gives me a great sense of self-worth. I particularly like the one with the two monkeys where you have to eat twenty before the other monkey can...I don't know...I've lost several times at this. I suspect that half of that is because I only spot it after the other monkey's already eaten fifteen. Anyway, Viva ad games! People should learn from this...nobody clicks on something that says "OH EM GEE, you're our 10000000000000000000000th hit! You've won a brand new Toyota Prius!", but something with a competitive monkey? Hell yes!
#2 Theme Hospital. Anyone who claims that this game isn't addictive needs their head checking. I remember when I was but a whippersnapper, watching my babysitter run her hospital with flair, curing implausible diseases and pleasing all of these strangely identical celebrities. I thought it was the best thing to ever hit the PC, and ten years on (or whatever) it still manages to have the same effect on me. I downloaded it (naughty naughty - but it does crash a lot, so that's my comeuppance) and found myself playing solidly for hours, transporting myself back to days of yore, shouting at the naughty doctor in the cubicle reading a dirty nurse mag, squealing with glee as my "urgent letter" appears, and getting downright cheesed off with the bank manager who point blank refuses to give me any more on my loan! I NEED A CARDIO ROOM, DAMN IT! Graphics are apalling, but to be honest with you, this makes the game better...the music's apalling, which doesn't, but thankfully it is interspersed with witty announcements from the receptionist, which not only make you chuckle jovially, but also provide you with helpful hints on how to play. You go, receptionist. So, yeah...I suggest that you buy it..it's only about £5.00, and for the number of hours of entertainment it provides, 'bargain' doesn't even cover it.
#3 Devil May Cry 4. I've only played a demo, so don't pay attention to any story-based comments I make, but I do have some graphical/battle-system issues. In the demo, you only get to play as new-boy Nero, a terribly OC, 90210 type chap with a freaky arm (I want one) who does very much the same as Dante, but with different 'special' moves. OK, so first of all, I'd quite like to discuss the graphics. I don't mean the backgrounds, they're pretty enough, what I mean is the "I'm going through a door now" graphics. I mean, come on...at least in Resident Evil they had a creepy-looking door opening with a slow creak. In Ninja Gaiden Sigma they had Mr Hayabusa rolling through...what do they do with this? A big blue flash and you suddenly ending up in a different place entirely...erm, what? I've never played a DMC before, by the way, so don't get onto me saying "omg that's how it's always been", but I'm just expressing my distaste, and I'm not used to such small map areas... I need big, open spaces, and DMC4 is failing in that department, as far as I'm concerned. Battle system. I like it, for the most part. I completely understand that they're trying to get you to use your sword/fists as much as possible, but I absolutely refuse to believe that several bullets to the face does less damage than half a sword swing. I also find it distinctly odd that I can beat a big, fiery boss guy just by grappling his head and having a bit of a hack, grappling again and having a bit of a slash...no tactics needed at all. (Side note...the enemies are almost as dull and generic as those in Heavenly Sword, from what I've seen). Overall though, I think it looks perfectly solid. I enjoyed how easy it was, strange as that may seem...it would make for a good, relaxing play, of a similar ilk to Ninja Gaiden. I liked the background graphics...very good-looking game. I don't like the main character...he looks like a teen sitcom character, and I'm naturally repelled by them. He's also a bit too cocky...and not in a good way. I think I'll at least rent it, though...just to see what the premise is, and if it's good it might even join my growing collection.
Wow...that was quite short, speaking relatively...I'm quite proud of that...still no spell-checking, as this has taken me about fifty minutes to write and I have no desire to look over it all.

Resident Evil Racism?

Ok, so I know I said that I'd wait a week before posting again, but frankly this calls for immediate discussion. The press are having a field day with racism allegations aimed at Capcom's Resident Evil 5, and this month's issue of OPM tried to rebut (highly ineffectively, in my opinion...I put it down feeling as though some important points hadn't been discussed). I think that the most important thing to remember here is that it's a game. Yes, OPM, I know that this is a weak argument, at least in its most base form, but I'm not going to stop there. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to some remote desert village in Africa and blasting some zombies. It doesn't matter to me whether they're black, white or even skinless...they still need shooting. By saying that it's a problem, you're making it a problem for yourself and other people. I'm sure the people at capcom didn't think "hmm...I hate black people...let's put that sentiment in our game". In my opinion, something can't be racist unless the feeling behind it is one of aggression or hate. Feel free to disagree.
Another issue is that of realism: the game is set in desert Africa, where there is a water shortage and malnourishment is rife, yet people complain that this is an unhealthy way to depict black people. How? It's realistic. Would these people propose that, in other games, blood came out like pink silly-string? You know, because blood should categorically not be shown to children...too offensive and all. People in that part of Africa are skinny and malnourished. Also, some woman (the name of whom eludes me...you'll find the article in OPM) says that the zombies looked like "they were dangerous and should be killed"...am I reading this correctly? The zombies looked dangerous and like they should be killed? Well that's just abhorrent...I might start a group called "Zombies for Justice". Come on, dear...they're zombies...do you expect me to go up and give them a hug? Feel free to test it out for me.
Another issue covered in OPM was that "nobody complained about all the white zombies being killed in the first game". Whilst I agree, and think that people are taking this whole racism thing a bit too far, that isn't the point of my argument. Certainly, nobody said that "all the zombies looked dangerous and like they should be killed" when Resi 1 came out, probably because they would have looked stupid...but now that racism can be brought into the equation, the issue of looking like a tool doesn't come into it: they can make people feel uncomfortable and like they're walking on eggshells, which seems to float their boat. Where was Resi 1 set? A mansion on the outskirts of Raccoon City, a predominantly white area, one would presume. Who lives in Africa? A load of albinos? No. Oh that's right...it's black people! Fancy that.
Certainly, they could have programmed some white people in there...aid workers, Ray Mears, and I'm sure they have, somewhere along the line, but people have to accept that not everything is offensive in a racist way.
White supremacy. Chris Redfield walks into this village, looking dreadfully 'hard', with his camo gear and rock 'ard handgun, and proceeds to kill all the poor black zombies. This is an example of white supremacy being portrayed in the media. Interesting, considering how the game was programmed by a load of Japanese techies sat in an office. They certainly have a vested interest to make white people look awesome...don't they?
In conclusion (if you can look past all the irony and rhetorical questions) my actual point is not that the game isn't racist...it might have racist sentiments behind it...I don't know...nor do I care, because it's a video game. There will be some people who get off on racist imagery, but that's their prerogative, and I for one think that people need to chill out, and focus on the people who are doing real harm in Africa: Nestle...DAMN YOU NESTLE!

"Wanted". Spoilers? Probably.

Today has been a particularly slow day for television, with the bulk consisting of horse-racing, 90's sitcoms and "Classic gold movies", but halfway between and advert for yet another sale at DFS and the second half of "Keeping up Appearances", a trailer for the upcoming film, "Wanted" caught my eye. Usually, I have no interest in big-budget action romps with lines like "Watch my back!" and "Cover me!", but this one has Angelina Jolie in it, and let's be honest, nobody, man or woman, can say that they aren't even a little bit sexually attracted. The first trailer I saw, in which there was a lot of shooting and slow-mo car jumps, was interesting to say the least, McAvoy and Jolie cavorting around in their fast cars trying to shoot a fat guy with a cigar, sitting comfortably in a black stretch limousine, listening to "Time to say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli (most cliche). He shoots the window, but, Oh no! It's bullet-proof. Surprisingly, their target seems decidedly unperturbed by this. So, yes, it's all going rather to pot, until Mr McAvoy sees the cigar smoke coming out of the sunroof. He then, as you do, jumps off the front of Jolie's car, performs a mid-air barrel-roll, shoots our favourite mafia wannabe in the face (whilst shouting "I'm sorry" - a reference to a scene earlier in the film, although frankly I expected something a little more witty and super-assassin-y) before landing perfectly and driving off.

Trailer number two sees McAvoy looking very heroin-chic, buying something that must be quite embarrassing, because he looks a little shifty. He turns to look at something, turns back, and, shock horror, 'nother assassin thriller cliche, Jolie is stood right next to him. She looks a little like supernanny, something that my impressionable mind finds quite exciting, and she displays an uncanny knowledge of McAvoy's past. She tells him that the man who killed his father is right behind him and then BAM, thus ensues big shooty action scene in supermarket, with much explosion and bullet-time. The action moves outside where McAvoy runs into a car, does much Americottish apologising (it does depress me when people cast badly) and is almost run over by the mean, nasty assassin. Enter Jolie, in the very sexy red car, who proceeds to do a most implausible trick whereby, through some door-opening and 360 turns, McAvoy ends up sat comfortably next to her. Blah blah blah, big car chase, McAvoy looks up Ange's skirt, which is apparently a colossal mistake because she gets a little miffed. More Americottish exclamations of terror, and thus the trailer ends.
Trailer the third, and the last which I've seen, so don't worry...I'll be done soon. It's McAvoy in training. He has to "curve" a bullet, so that it avoids an obstacle and hits a target behind it. Jolie is the obstacle, and stands lovely and still whilst he shoots (She's a braver man than I...or woman...or whatever) bullet curves around and hits the bull. Hurrah for McAvoy! More action sequences, none of which managed to stick in my memory long enough for me to write here, thus ends trailer number three.
This little preview/pre-emptive review (they aren't the same, so sshh) might look negative, but behind all of the cheesy glamour, dreadful script (or what I've heard of it), worse casting (what is Jimmy Mac doing there?), and completely implausible laws-of-physics-bending, there lurks what looks like a top-notch flick. I'll certainly be going to see it when it comes out. It's a win-win: if it's good, I've gone to the pictures and enjoyed watching it with my friends. If it's not, I've gone to the pictures and enjoyed making fun of it with my friends.

Here ends blog number one of APCQMSB, I certainly hope you enjoyed it, because I did, even though I didn't even check for typos (I'm just that clever). See you next week...or whenever I next decide to post (It'll probably be about upcoming game, Mirror's Edge).